


it always ends in a fight.

by penmarks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Gen, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, bucky knew because it always ends in a fight, bucky knew but not because they talked about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penmarks/pseuds/penmarks
Summary: in which bucky knew, but not because he and steve agreed that he would stay in the past with peggy. bucky knew because they fought about it, just like they did when he was drafted, because it always ends in a fight and they can never just stop and rest.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	it always ends in a fight.

Steve’s words rocked Bucky to his core. He took two short steps toward the cabin and leaned a shoulder there, his arms crossed tightly. Steve’s eyes stayed trained on the ground, hands tucked securely into his pockets. The crowd was gathering out front by the lake for Tony’s send-off, but suddenly Bucky wished to be anywhere else. 

“You can’t be serious,” he finally said. “You’re joking.”

“Someone has to take them back, Buck,” Steve said.

“Why does it have to be you?” Bucky stepped away from the cabin and let his hands drop to his sides. “Why does it  _ always  _ have to be you? Why is it, that every time you get a chance to rest, you have to jump back into the fight?”

“Buck—”

“No, listen to me.” Bucky stared at Steve until he lifted his gaze. “You said you might not make it back. What does that mean? Banner made it sound easy like he’s got it down to a science. What’s the concern?”

Steve exhaled slowly and turned away from Bucky, toward the cars that lined the lane leading up the Stark residence. Bucky wanted to scream, demand answers, but he bit his tongue and waited for the answer he was dreading. 

“I thought maybe...” Steve said. “Maybe I could stick around and make a few things right. More than just the stones.” 

Bucky had to close his eyes to stop the scream from leaving his lips. His hands curled into fists and the burning in his throat had become unbearable. When he opened his eyes to see Steve still only half-facing him, his vision was blurred. 

“Why?”

It was the only thing he could think to say. Steve shook his head and took a step closer, but Bucky reflexively stepped back. 

“Why can’t you just rest? Why can’t it be over?” Bucky wanted to reach out and shake him by his shoulders. “You’ve lost so much, Steve. Why isn’t this enough? What’s left, what’s here?”

Steve let out a huff and crossed his arms. His tone was even, but tight.

“It’s just something I have to do.”

Bucky shook his head and rubbed his chin. His tears hadn’t spilled over, but they were certainly still threatening to. 

“Is there anything else?” Steve said. “The service will be starting soon.”

Bucky scoffed and threw up his hands. That was it, then. End of discussion. 

“No, I think it’s fine if we leave it at that,” he said with as much sarcasm as he could muster. “Please, just… Think about this.” 

“I have, Buck,” Steve said. This time, he sounded a bit softer, a bit more sympathetic to Bucky’s frustrations. “And it’s something that I have to do.”

Bucky watched as Steve turned his back and walked back around the side of the cabin, his hands tucked neatly into the pockets of his dress pants. There was a gaping, aching hole in his chest. He didn’t know how he could go follow after Steve and pretend that the prior discussion had been normal or acceptable in any way. 

He swung out with his metal arm and left a scar in one of the planks of the cabin. He could hardly muster the energy to be embarrassed when he looked up and locked eyes with Bruce Banner, who was peeking around the corner where Steve had left. 

“Hey,” Bruce said. “Everything alright? It looked a little intense.”

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes and cast his gaze elsewhere.   
  


“It was,” Bucky spat. He crossed his arms and looked back to Bruce, his shoulders a bit slumped. “I’m sorry. I’m not… Thank you for checking in.”

Bruce offered a soft smile and took a few more steps forward.

“It’s alright, I get it,” he said. “I take it you aren’t happy about Steve taking the stones back.” 

Bucky didn’t know how to respond. The stones weren’t the issue, not really. If he thought he could trust Steve to take them back and come home, his frustration would be existent but not as furious. But he knew Steve, and he knew what this meant. 

“Yeah,” he said in the silence while he struggled for the words. “It’s… It’s not the stones, really. If I knew less about the way he does things, I might believe him when he says he’ll be right back. But… I know him. When he says he might not make it back, it’s not just a formality.”

“I see.” Bruce scratched his chin and adjusted his glasses. “Well, there is a chance he doesn’t make it back. We saw that in New York, it’s half the reason we got redirected—”

“But you know it, too,” Bucky said.

Bruce looked at him, then, really locked eyes with him, and let out a long sigh. 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Who are we to stop him? After everything, maybe he deserves a vacation.” 

“That’s not—” Bucky ran a hand through his hair and looked back at the mark his metal hand had left in the cabin’s exterior. “He does. We all do. But not… not like this. He’s running. He’s always running from something.”

“Maybe,” Bruce said, a thoughtful expression carved into his green skin. “Tell you what, if you can change his mind, I’ll take the stones back myself. I offered to do it already, but he insisted.”

“Of course he did.”

Bruce chuckled and slapped a heavy, green hand onto Bucky’s shoulder. 

“If anyone can convince him, it’s you.” 

“Thanks,” Bucky said with a scoff. “We’ll see if he’ll even participate in the conversation after the one we just had.” 

The funeral was smooth enough, as funeral’s go. Bucky had spent a little too much time sulking, and ended up standing toward the back with Sam and Wanda. He couldn’t help but feel like he belonged there instead of in the front of the group with Steve. After everything that had happened, after Siberia, he wasn’t sure he could bear the idea of holding that space. 

Steve seemed to cope with it well. Maybe it was in anticipation of what was to come.

The misty-eyed crowd broke off into smaller groups that convened at the waterfront to watch the sunset. Bucky caught Steve’s eye and the two of them managed to slip away to their own corner of the lake front to finish their discussion. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve said. He placed a firm hand on Bucky’s human arm and smiled earnestly. “I shouldn’t have just… dropped that on you. I guess I was expecting… I don’t know what I was expecting. I’m sorry, Buck.”

“I just want you to put more thought into this,” Bucky said. He searched Steve’s face for any sign that he would budge on the issue and found nothing. “I want you to stay, Steve. Stay here with me and Sam and Wanda and… and everyone. Stay.” 

“Bucky—”

“Bruce and I talked.” He couldn’t keep his words to himself if he tried. “He said that he offered to do this and he still would if you’d let him. Please, Steve. Whatever you’re running from, we’ll help you. The way you helped me. When I didn’t know who I was and all I knew how to do was run.”

Steve dropped his hand from Bucky’s arm and offered a flat smile. His eyes darted around Bucky’s face. Maybe he was searching for some understanding, too. Bucky didn’t have the heart to feel sorry that he wouldn’t find it.

“I’ve made up my mind, Buck.” Steve said. Though the words were expected, they still hit Bucky square in the gut. “I’m doing this. But I promise you, I’ll be back. I will do everything in my power to make it back.” 

Bucky shook his head and turned away, looking toward the sinking sun. He bit the inside of his cheek and tried to think of anything he could say to guilt Steve into staying. He knew what Steve would do when he got back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base. He'd made the mistake of recounting the experience to Bucky, who could read the excitement and pain on his face like an open book. 

“You have to go back for her,” Bucky muttered. “Even after she told you to move on.” 

“Buck—”

“No, like you said,” Bucky turned back to him, jaw clenched and shoulders set. “It’s something you have to do. You have to know. I get it. It’s the uncertainty that you’re running from. You don’t think you can live with it, so you’re risking everything to know.”

“I…” Steve blinked. He looked like he wanted to take a step back. “Yeah, that’s… Yes. That’s exactly it.”

Bucky nodded, his lips pressed tightly together. 

“You can’t just rest. You can’t just be happy with what you have left.” 

He took one last long look at Steve before he brushed past him, headed back toward the dock. Sam caught his eye for a moment but quickly turned away. 

“Buck…” 

He stopped and half-turned back to Steve. 

“There’s nothing else to say, buddy,” Bucky said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

  
  



End file.
